Reap with shouts of joy

Image of Kathryn and Keegan Hasselmann holding their babyA testimony from Kathryn Hasselmann

I have felt the prompting of God to write about my story. Nonetheless, it has taken me a long time to actually start and finish writing.

As I put ‘pen to paper’ I am deeply mindful of the fact that there may be others who have gone through or are going through a much more painful journey than I have been on. There has been a part of me that has been fairly closed off to writing this as I have been nervous about the fact that writing my testimony makes me vulnerable. Not so long ago Adele challenged the morning congregation during a time of worship to be completely obedient to God. It has taken me nearly 2 months to meet that challenge, as it were.

This particular story began on 6 March 2012, I have a knack for remembering important dates. This is when Kiegen and I made the decision to extend our family of 2. If I had known what lay ahead maybe I would not have made the decision. I suppose that is why God is God and we are not. What lay ahead was a time of praying with hope, trying to remain positive and then yelling and stomping my foot at God (just like a 2 year old) when the answer I wanted did not come. There were times where I would spend the day in bed crying and complaining and I was quite impossible to be around. It was a whirlwind of emotions and I was getting slightly annoyed by the fact that my husband was so positive and had so much faith.

March 2013 came and went, a whole year. The night that I found out my friend was pregnant, which was around about this time, whilst being happy for her, I went home and cried. In that moment I did not want to speak to anybody and I went to my room and had a right royal tantrum. In those moments of acting like a 2 year old, again, God brought to mind the words in Psalm 126:5 “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy”. (ESV) I knew that God heard me and was with me in each moment of pain and so I made the decision that night to trust Him no matter what.

The following 4 months went by with still more tears and feelings of desperation. There were countless doctor visits, medication that I had to try and then FINALLY on 19 August 2013 (there’s the knack for dates again) a BFP, which in the fertility world means Big Fat Positive. Kiegen and I were going to have our very own baby. I cried, but this time it was with shouts of joy. I had sown the tears, boat loads of them, and the shouts of joy probably could have been heard across the oceans.

God taught me so many things over these months. I learnt to trust Him and was reminded of the fact that His plans for me are good. He also taught me the value of friendship and having a strong support system. At work I was able to cry my heart out when the answers didn’t come and I was so blessed to have the support of my mom and Julie. At home my husband was my pillar of strength (despite the fact I was annoyed by his positivity and faith). God also used 4 amazing woman of God (Lisa, Carina, Philippa and Jess), in different ways, to help me walk the road that I was on.

Our precious gift arrived on 15 April 2014 and as a family we could not be more blessed. My prayer is that whatever you are going through, that you will ‘Reap with shouts of joy’ at the end of your journey.

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