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Aug 26 2014

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Reap with shouts of joy

Image of Kathryn and Keegan Hasselmann holding their babyA testimony from Kathryn Hasselmann

I have felt the prompting of God to write about my story. Nonetheless, it has taken me a long time to actually start and finish writing.

As I put ‘pen to paper’ I am deeply mindful of the fact that there may be others who have gone through or are going through a much more painful journey than I have been on. There has been a part of me that has been fairly closed off to writing this as I have been nervous about the fact that writing my testimony makes me vulnerable. Not so long ago Adele challenged the morning congregation during a time of worship to be completely obedient to God. It has taken me nearly 2 months to meet that challenge, as it were.

This particular story began on 6 March 2012, I have a knack for remembering important dates. This is when Kiegen and I made the decision to extend our family of 2. If I had known what lay ahead maybe I would not have made the decision. I suppose that is why God is God and we are not. What lay ahead was a time of praying with hope, trying to remain positive and then yelling and stomping my foot at God (just like a 2 year old) when the answer I wanted did not come. There were times where I would spend the day in bed crying and complaining and I was quite impossible to be around. It was a whirlwind of emotions and I was getting slightly annoyed by the fact that my husband was so positive and had so much faith.

March 2013 came and went, a whole year. The night that I found out my friend was pregnant, which was around about this time, whilst being happy for her, I went home and cried. In that moment I did not want to speak to anybody and I went to my room and had a right royal tantrum. In those moments of acting like a 2 year old, again, God brought to mind the words in Psalm 126:5 “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy”. (ESV) I knew that God heard me and was with me in each moment of pain and so I made the decision that night to trust Him no matter what.

The following 4 months went by with still more tears and feelings of desperation. There were countless doctor visits, medication that I had to try and then FINALLY on 19 August 2013 (there’s the knack for dates again) a BFP, which in the fertility world means Big Fat Positive. Kiegen and I were going to have our very own baby. I cried, but this time it was with shouts of joy. I had sown the tears, boat loads of them, and the shouts of joy probably could have been heard across the oceans.

God taught me so many things over these months. I learnt to trust Him and was reminded of the fact that His plans for me are good. He also taught me the value of friendship and having a strong support system. At work I was able to cry my heart out when the answers didn’t come and I was so blessed to have the support of my mom and Julie. At home my husband was my pillar of strength (despite the fact I was annoyed by his positivity and faith). God also used 4 amazing woman of God (Lisa, Carina, Philippa and Jess), in different ways, to help me walk the road that I was on.

Our precious gift arrived on 15 April 2014 and as a family we could not be more blessed. My prayer is that whatever you are going through, that you will ‘Reap with shouts of joy’ at the end of your journey.

Permanent link to this article: http://glenwoodchurch.org.za/2014/08/26/reap-with-shouts-of-joy/

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